Less than an hour after the nationally-televised memorial to honour our fallen soldiers came the alarmist and myopic 60 Minutes "report" on Canada as a haven for terrorists. The big scoop? Canada apparently does things differently than the U.S.! Horrible, apparently unconscionable things like not forcing travel restrictions on visitors from Saudi Arabia or not dismissing someone as a terrorist because they seek refuge from persecution in their homeland.

The report ended with the brilliant insight: "Canadian immigration law will be written in Ottawa, not Washington." Makes sense to me.

The piece has to be ready for submission to the Just For Laughs "Eat My Shorts" fest by Monday. It shouldn't be a problem -- Final Cut Pro rocks! The CBC also has a call for entries that expires the same day, but I'm passing on that one; you'll need a bigger carrot to dangle in front of my nose than a spot on ZeD, losers!

You'll get a chance to see NLP for the first time on Friday, May 3rd at the Tim Sims Playhouse... If you can wait a day to see Spider-Man, that is.

Just when I started to second guess yesterday's anti-American rant, I heard that fans of The New York Islanders booed the Canadian national anthem before a playoff game last night. What's worse is that it's happened before! Talk about kicking someone when they're down; if things keep going the way they're headed, I might have to consider renouncing my dual citizenship.

Waddaya think of that?

Here are my two cents regarding the friendly fire incident of last week: Think for a second how American folks would react if the tables were turned, and we had accidentally ended the lives of four of their guys. The Canadians who were killed aren't heroes, they're victims, and our weak condemnation of their needless slaughter reveals us as little more than Uncle Sam's lapdogs.

I was lucky enough to be in Asia in the days following September 11th of last year, and thankful that the media in that part of the world was a lot less biased in their coverage of all things Taliban. Perhaps now is the time to distinguish ourselves from our southern neighbours just a little bit, before NorthCom makes it too late!

My birthday horoscopes for this year are, how shall we say, rather weak. The best of the lot was found on Canada.com:

"You are disciplined and have an amazing amount of self-control. You love to pioneer new things, but will always have respect for family tradition. This year you will wrap up many things in order to make room for new adventure to enter your life."

So, with my "amazing self-control", shouldn't I have all those loose ends already wrapped up? Stupid star charts...

Starting in June, The Second City's Tim Sims Playhouse will be under my command on the first Tuesday of every month. My plan is to resurrect Second Cinema, a showcase for short films that I successfully mounted years ago. I won't be directly competing with The Pirate Video Cabaret, as my show will be films and nothing but!

And speaking of pirates, all you MP3ers should head to your local Grand & Toy and get your optical media from a new company called Green Disk. That way you can proudly proclaim that you're helping to save the planet while bankrupting your favourite artists!

Their website is even more pathetic, especially with their "hot" television properties. Yet for some reason I've got the sinking feeling that I'll be seeing Beluga Beach on the idiot box before long. Chalk it up to my own TV experience, I guess...